It feels like a death
The spot where you once slept is empty
The seat at the kitchen table where you once sat; empty
Closets of your mess; cleaned out
Echoes of your sarcasm; gone
Tension anticipated upon your presence; gone
Would it have been easier had you left 20 years ago vs 47 years later?
Or is Pain always JUST PAIN regardless?
I have found that pain can be immeasurable
And that everybody’s pain is both equal and different
Either way, it feels like death
Death because the habitual patterns are ceased;
Non-existent in that once-always-environment
Death because I am grieving
We are grieving
We, together, have resistant smiles
And our smiles crave unity
Divorce feels like a death in the family
I am having flashbacks of my childhood every night
What was it all for then?
Just to raise us?
Why did you give in so easily to your desires rather than think with your conscience?
Whatever my thoughts and memories, it does not matter because it all feels like a death
What comes after death?
After death I can imagine light
And a new start
With a fresh set of principles regained
And a heart ready to pour out gold
After death comes the anticipation of a new breath; once felt suffocated
Divorce feels like an end to unhealthy patterns
And a good morning to a new kind of sunrise.